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| i have a "date" on friday night with steve... |
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| its monday... damn |
| its been almost a week with no cigarettes.. im proud of myself for making it this far.. ive been so close to giving in but ive resisted. i even forgot my patch for yesterday.. even though i had a KILLER headache i pulled through with flyin colors. some exciting news Joe asked me if i was interested in a full time position at the studio. without second thinking i said yes.. i would be dumb to say no... so ill be getting trained in everything at the studio...sales, extensive editing, customer service.. etc.. all the fun stuff... im excited because if that happens i will definitely be quitting the bar.. which i still have no clue what exactly is goin on.. the schedule wasnt posted until saturday afternoon.. when it starts on sunday.. wtf? and of course im scheduled AGAIN for tonight's shift.. thankfully theres someone who can work monday nights. so for now im working close to 50-60 hours a week between the studio and bar... in other words no days off. in other words.. these dating sites.. im getting more emails than i could ever expect.. granted alot of them are guys whom arnt my type but stilll.. its flatterying.. the one guy i was really into ..rejected me... because of my issues.. he doesnt want an unstable girl... and all i said was that ihad to leave school for personal stuff and get my act straightened.. oh well.. i guess its his loss.. then theres another guy.. Steve.. he works down the street from me at the police station.. we might go out for coffee some time this week.. makes me incredibly nervous..its a blind "date" and i never really did well with those....i guess ill just let it flow and what happens happens.. in other news nothin is goin on... i need to go get my halloween costume together.. hopefully ill have some pics to post.. its goin to be amazing...hehe |
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| self motivation and withdrawal (but a different kind) |
| i quit smoking today... im on the patch... which could be the reason why im writing at 5 in the morning... i was having some weird ass dreams and i know that it was a possible symptom but i didnt think it would bother me.. that and i was in a constant awake not awake sleep all night. headaches arnt bad at all but i totally miss the oral part of havin something in my mouth..thats killin me..so im chewin alot of gum and keepin busy....rides to and from work are a killer! ...speaking of work ..it is goin well for the most part...looks like i may be quitting the bar really soon. depends how everything turns out. our staff meeting on monday was cancelled which pissed me off cuz i SO could have slept in but no my manager is a DICK and doesnt call and let everyone know.. he thought id just be a good idea to tell ppl as they came in... what if i had other plans and cancelled those just to make the meeting... douche...then i found out that the resturant/bar was closed all day on monday and Jerry the head cook quit...very interesting i must say. thats ok i was starting to hate working there..i liked bartending but the drama was just too much.plus i need a change...i dont wanna work as a waitress/bartender the rest of my life... anyways...since im pretty much goin to be located in burbs for awhile i decided to hit up some dating sites. iknow its kinda tacky but i figured what other way to meet guys. some of them like always are a little creepy others ive found have been really interesting. ive been talking to 4 different guys.. with some messages pending but im getting a response that i didnt expect... i think my face is a bit decieving on whats below the neck though... oh well.. i guess thats its personality that matters most right? one guy is 27 and lives in Barrington... which is a pretty well off area. hes cute too and seems really interesting...he has sarcasm which just sucks me in... we were found to be mutal matches and i just messaged him so we'll see where that goes. another guy he actually went to one of our high school's rivals.. and works like literally down the street from me.. its crazy.. the other guy ive been talking to in long emails... its fun.. whether it goes anywhere or not its something to do and look forward to throughout the day. speaking about the day... i was at work today at the studio... it was basically charlie and i all day.. and we were talking and he said that i should say something to Joe about possibly going full time. i was hesitant but he said why would i be telling you to do it... so obviously something is goin on...that Joe is happy with the work that im doing and is thinking about keepin me... i hope i hope i hope!!! finally makes me relax.... i took that in mind and decided to sit in on charlie while he was with some customers... listening to the sales pitch and all the different kinds of photography packages we have... i think thats a good way to show Joe that i want to stay..not to mention im answering phones,which i have a huge almost phobia of it, and dealing with customers answering questions and what not... im taking the initiative!!! which it totally uncommon for me... i feel like this move from school to home is make me more proactive about things... im taking the first step.. no one is pushing me....its because i want it... i always just let things come to me but not anymore... my next thing is to get a pass to the gym... ive been feeling so lazy just goin to work then coming home and sleeping. so thats on the list of things to do...so much stuff to do so little time...but i have to say although im away from my friends which KILLS me... im makng the best out of the situation... and am finally feeling content... yay go me! i think do a little bit of personal God time has helped too... |
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| withdrawal |
i miss my friends
i miss oshkosh...but not that much
but yea.. i miss my friends.. i talked to sarah buechel, tina and angie all this week....all in 3 different places that i unfortunately cant make it to... it makes me sad that i can only talk to them on the phone. and not to mention each of them say that im the only one that calls them... its like everyone else has forgotten about them... sad day.... |
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| ba da da da da i'm lovin it! |
| so quick little update... its 8:15... its early for me... im gettin ready to go to work... i have two jobs now and lovin' both... one more than the other... i started work on monday bartending ...made an amazing $25 in tips... damn..... at least my pay is $6 instead of 2.33 which id be getting if i was waitressing.. so then closed up for the night then tuesday headed home to schaumburg... called Joe aka poppy, mr.b, mr.bruch, etc... backing up to the weekend.. saw joe this weekend and he offered me a temporary job working at his photography studio working with photoshop and putting wedding albums together.. $10 an hour... great opportunity to get experience working in a studio.. so i told id be more than happy too... i absouletly freakin LOVE IT! granted it was only one day so far but the work is SO easy but very tedious! i can take breaks when i feel like it... which is frequent cuz my eyes get tired staring at the computer screen.. anywho.. i asked joe how long he'd need me for and he said at least a month but if i like what im doing, providing exceptional work, and want to stay he may consider highering me part time possible full time... so heres to fingers crossed that my work is good and he wants me to stick around.. of course ill get another job in junction to the studio for extra cash flow. i really dont wanna stay at the bay for the winter... its so...boring... and uber cold... although i do want you TRIN!!! oh btw for you.. i bought shoes OTHER than KSwiss... you'd be proud of my shoe purchases... anywho gotta peace out.. |
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| toxic |
| giving the recent events in the drama we call britney spears' life, i feel compelled to write. having been a fan since she came popular in 98, i have watched this woman grow up into the queen of pop and crash before my very eyes. it's hard to watch some one that you have idolized for so long just downward spiral into a mental mess. from the controversy of her performances to the non exsistent clothing. i wanted to be her. beautiful, popular, famous and talented. she was the american dream to me. i dressed up as her for halloween on numerous occasions. i bought all her albums. seen her twice in concert. learned all the dance routines. do i regret it? not even for a moment. she had such an impact on me that i cant even describe in words. she was my idol. until the hour long marriage in vegas. to me, the start of that downward spiral. a girl who seemed to have her head on straight with good morals goes to vegas and treats marriage like a party. she annulls it hours later. saying it was just a joke. marriage is not a joke. marriage is something that is precious, something that you dont just toss around. then again many celebrities do the vegas wedding and pulls the same stunts only to divorce later on. then there was the marriage to kevin federline. all of us just sat in a dumb stupor asking ourselves why? why is she doing this to herself? the man has two kids with shar jackson. he left her while she was STILL pregnant. he had gold digger written all over him. i do admit they do have some cute pictures together and at times looked incredibly happy but something just didnt seem right about this marriage. before we knew it we saw our pop star walking out of public bathrooms barefoot. her appearance quickly declined to mismatched outfits of cowboy boots and greasy hair. i do believe that britney did indeed love kevin, but i feel that the feelings werent mutal. then came baby number one.. little sean preston. what a cutie!! britney seemed to have everything she wanted. a family with a loving husband. then the tabloids started. kevin's out partying too much. britney's at home with the baby alone. rumors of the marriage falling apart were all over the place. then only months later, she announces she preggo with another lil cutie pie. i personally think that this baby, jayden james, was their last attempt at saving their marriage that was crumbling. about a month or two later.. britney files for divorce. britney fans cheered! britney was finally free from the gold digger. she looked fabulous but she was now a single mom. that means no partying, no late nights, stayin home with the babies. any responsible mother would have done that. but of course britney would break all rules. she was soon hittin every night club, seen with Paris and Lindsay, flashing her vajayjay like theres no tomorrow. something isnt right here. we slowly see the relationship between her and her mother lynn fall to pieces. she fires managers. the partying still continues. then in february she does the unthinkable. she shaves her head. to me this was her breaking point. this girl i thought has totally lost her mind. but of course i felt for her. this girl has had two babies in two years, is going through a nasty divorce, losing her mother, the death of an aunt, and the papparazi are folowing her every move. i think after years of constantly being followed and having every move you make being plastered all over the news and magazines, id lose my mind too. people speculated post partum depression. i think that is possible but it just exploded into something else. for months this poor girl was everywhere. critcizing her mothering skills, her late night partying, etc. at this time both kevin and britney had 50/50 custody over the two boys. whats wrong with going out on the night that you dont have the kids? to me, absoultly nothing. sometimes you just gotta let loose. but god forbid reports have sympathy for a girl who is now a single mother. being only 25 i dont think she was ready settle down. she missed out on a childhood, mostly forced upon her by her mother. now im not saying that everything this girl has done i support, but give the damn woman a break! nearly dropping lil sean preston. what mom hasnt nearly dropped their kid? what mom/father hasnt driven with their child on their lap? i remember my dad letting me "drive" id sit on this lap while he was in the driver's seat too. this isnt out of the ordinary. having DCFS show up because your kid falls out of the highchair is to the extreme. i remember my brother falling out of his highchair. everything is blown WAY to out of proportion for this girl. now the accusations of drug usage. i believe that britney may indeed be using drugs.. what "teen" celebrity hasnt done them? i think in the mist of all the chaos that is goin on in her life, turning to drugs and alcohol was her way of coping with everything. friends backstabbing her, parents turning against her and an ex husband who is just out of his mind. i dont support the use of drugs and its never a good release from stress and/or problems. Fed-x has become amazingly in my eyes a good father.. out of the blue. i know that he needs to be because those poor boys need someone and its obvious that Britney is highly incapable of taking her of them let alone herself. So i believe the judge's decision in giving Kevin full custody of the boys was a smart decision. if it has anything to do with a valid drivers license its a bunch of bullshit. i think theres WAY more behind it than a driver's license. Rumor has it that she never attempted to start the classes that the judge had ordered such as parenting classes, AA, and random drug tests. I think britney has lost her chance. i think that people need to keep a close eye on her. if i was in her state under the influence of drugs and incredibly depressed it would have crossed my mind a million time of committing suicide. i think the press needs to back the FUCK off of her. now im no Leave Britney Alone freak who cries... but i do believe that people need to lay off of her for awhile. maybe this will give her the opportunity to get her act together ... maybe she should do what Lindsay Lohan did and just go into isolation rehab in Utah. its clear that there is a mental problem here. one minute she's happy then next she's crying.. i suspect bipolar.. im no doctor but having a mild case i can totally see it. Britney needs to make ammends with her parents. She needs both of them. They need to smack her around. She needs to establish a better relationship with Kevin for the sake of the boys. as much as im excited for her new album to come out, i think she needs to stay away from work. get your fuckin act together! Britney needs to get rid of her fuckin cousin Alli.. i think she's nothing but trouble and she's using britney so she can get her own taste of fame. Britney needs a good friend. Maybe her and Justin Timberlake should talk. Justin and Britney always seemed like an amazing couple but also good friends. Britney needs a fresh start... maybe what she needs is to forget 2007 and start fresh in 2008... i still love britney and support her but this woman is seriously fucked up..... |
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| my lonliness is killin' me.... |
that and i also will post a couple blogs on the status and condition of britney spears... i find this whole trainwreck fancinating... ill also keep y'all updated on the cubs... cuz theyre that amazing
cheese! |
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Name: Kristen
Home: Schaumburg, Illinois, United States
About Me: I have an awkward personality.. i swear you will never me anyone like me
See my profile...
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Brushes by Gvalkyrie
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posted by Kristen at 