| manic period is over |
| so i know for a fact that my bipolar-ness hasnt gone away. ive finally come down from a manic episode. everything i thought was going amazing. seriously amazing. nothing was going to bring me down. now its the complete opposite. i was sitting at work the other day and i realized that photography is only a hobby of mine. its not something that id want to do for the rest of my life. i know exactly what i want to do with my life but i cant fulfill those dreams until i get married. i want to be wife and a mother...and i cant do either one of those which breaks my heart. and god only knows when that will happen. but until that time i have to decide what i want to do with my life. the past couple weeks were semi enjoyable..no work and basically doing what i want but now i sit here. and it sucks. i have a wonderful $45 dollars in my checking account. i cant do anything. i feel pretty worthless too. its like i consume oxygen and thats it. now im not tryin to pull the whole emo shit and feel bad about myself..no its nothing like that. its more along the lines of where is my life going...i have so many interests that id love to have a career in but is it something that id want to do for the rest of my life?? weather yea i love it but i dont want to be inside all the time sitting at a radar screen?...i love history but do i want to teach a bunch of high school students? i love art but what exactly am i going to do with it? then i thought of my sister. she came home the other day in her army fatigues after drill. and it got me thinking. maybe i should consider the military an option. not necessarily the army but maybe like the Navy or something. yea id have to do boot camp but the benefits in the long run could be really good plus ill be able to go back to school. and i dont have to pay for it.... i talked to my mom about it earlier tonight. she didnt really say anything about it. i guess hte more i think about it ..it would be a good idea but im so against the whole conformity of the military. be your own person not someone your're not. gah idk.. i guess ill wait to see where this dispatching job takes me... if i get the job then ill stick with that..if not then the recruting office maybe my next stop..... |
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Well i'm glad to know that I'm not the only person here that has no idea what the hell to do with my life. I mean..I understand. I really do. here I am at school. Doing something I like two days a week..the other days are sad and gloomy because I don't care about anything besides my boyfriend and my family. I want to just..drive far away and start over...get married have kids..and that be it. It's a temptation to close to home at the moment....but.. Stick in there Kristen. I don't think the military is the answer. You can be successful! I believe in you.
Love, Jillian
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Name: Kristen
Home: Schaumburg, Illinois, United States
About Me: I have an awkward personality.. i swear you will never me anyone like me
See my profile...
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Brushes by Gvalkyrie
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posted by Kristen at 
Well i'm glad to know that I'm not the only person here that has no idea what the hell to do with my life. I mean..I understand. I really do. here I am at school. Doing something I like two days a week..the other days are sad and gloomy because I don't care about anything besides my boyfriend and my family. I want to just..drive far away and start over...get married have kids..and that be it. It's a temptation to close to home at the moment....but.. Stick in there Kristen. I don't think the military is the answer. You can be successful! I believe in you.
Love, Jillian