Forever Day, Never Night

Thursday, November 29, 2007

just thought that id drop in and just say that im happy...

i think i like where things might be going...still too early to tell

posted by Kristen at 1:34 AM - 0 comments

Monday, November 26, 2007

party

im thinking about just cancelling my party.. everyone is bitchin about too many rules.. that we're not going out to the bar both nights.. etc.. why cant i just have MY party the way i want? its not like im having many people come anyways and i dont know if anyone even wants to come.. everyone is so busy with finals and christmas... i guess thats what i get for having my birthday in december...i might as well just spend it alone at a bar get shitfaced and then go home with some random guy.... pathetic i know..but at least ill get my birthday sex....oh whatever...

posted by Kristen at 11:49 AM - 0 comments

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

3 Burns

so a couple things happend in the past 48 hours... my sister came home from texas for thanksgiving... well sorta... her flight was cancelled last night because of the fog here in chicago so she got a flight home this morning.. its now 10:40 and i have yet to see her... and apparently she's driving to Kentucky to see her on again off again boyfriend.. this means she's not spending thanksgiving with us. i see both sides though... her boyfriend is being shipped to Iraq in a week or so .. but doesnt family come first? no rings no strings... thats what i was always told.. and her she is putting a no so serious boyfriend AHEAD of her family... burn...so i doubt ill see her at all while she's in the state since i worked today and work tomorrow and work friday and possibly saturday. i miss her i really do but apparently she doesnt care about her family..... i dont know how my parents can let her do that... i know i wouldnt be able to get away with it..

speaking of thanksgiving.. looks like i will probably spending it alone... so i told you the whole fiasco with my dad and his side of the fam.. well.. he never called nor did my mom.. they're too stubborn.. so i took the situation into my own hands.. i called my aunt this morning asking her if we were invited and to have her call me back.. i left a message... i got no call back...burn... so it looks like my parents and brother are heading up north... i see it pointless to drive up there for dinner to only drive back after eating on a holiday none the less so i can be at work at 10am on friday... so i guess it looks like im hitting up the local pizza joint or open bar to watch football and eat alone... i guess i should be used to this though...

i checked out the art institute of schaumburg.. looking to go back to school... i scheduled a meeting.. and wow! i love the school... my credits will transfer and theres a 90% chance that after i graduate that ill have a job with in 6 months... the photography program is so extensive and FAR FAR better than oshkosh... then i found out the bad part... tuition... see they go by quarters 11 weeks then 1-3 weeks off.. well one quarter is about $6,000....yea... for 11 weeks... but then again... a semester at oshkosh was 14 weeks...for the same including housing and food... so in the end is it really that bad? so i told my dad about it... he laughed in my face... here is the man that didnt want me to leave school in the first place and then was pushing it on my to get back into school instead of waiting til next fall.. i make the steps and he now says that work is more important... wtf? i dont know how to read this man! one minute its one thing ..next its the complete opposite...ive finally found a school that i really like..and an area of study that im passionate about and he laughs at me... burn

posted by Kristen at 10:39 PM - 0 comments

Monday, November 19, 2007

posted by Kristen at 10:32 PM - 0 comments

Sunday, November 18, 2007

holidays

the holidays are arriving faster than usual it seems...this week is thanksgiving... big whoop dee doo.. i used to love this holiday and not for the food but for the closeness that i feel with all my family... but this year it just seems like theres a nasty funk that is coming with it. apparently we have to ask if we're invited to thanksgiving on my dad's side... fuck that bullshit... thats the problem with my dad's side... they hold grudges... and they're still holding one from when we didnt have easter this past year... who the hell cares.... im over it... i was a long time ago... so apparently we have to ask... i dont think my parents plan on calling my aunt which means that we're going to have our first non extended family thanksgiving...thats if i can go...see my parents want to head up to wisconsin on wednesday night and have dinner up there on thursday night.. well if im correct i have to work on friday at 10am... totally pointless for me to go up and im not going to say i cant come into work on friday... i need the money..bad.. so it may end up that im spending thanksgiving alone... this is the part that i hate the most of not having alot of friends in the area.... two weeks from tuesday is my 22nd birthday... where did the past year go?! its almost depressing... again ill be spending my birthday alone.. i have to work.. oh goodie.. and the idea for my party that weekend is looking like itll probably fall to pieces... i just have a bad feeling about it. i get this feeling that no one is going to be able to come since its near finals week...i always get screwed.... and christmas... dont even get me started... and through out all these holidays ill be spending it alone... as in significant other alone... for the 3 year in a row. no one to kiss under the misletoe no one to sit near the fireplace with no one to kiss happy new year with at midnight... im pathetic... ive realized it and accepted it....damn.. i really hate this time of the year... the holidays and the weather make me really depressed....damn

posted by Kristen at 6:47 PM - 0 comments

Saturday, November 17, 2007

my life is over

i started playing world of warcraft

don't expect to see me that much anymore

p.s. nicole you should start playing again...

posted by Kristen at 2:05 PM - 0 comments

Thursday, November 15, 2007

apathetic

im in such an emo mood

i'm out of black eyeliner.. and it sucks... i look dead without it

damn

posted by Kristen at 8:28 PM - 0 comments

Saturday, November 10, 2007

last 6 months of my life

What would be the 5 major things you would do if you were told by your physician that your life would only last another six months?

so i stole this from nicole's blog... i wouldnt waste my time working or going to school...id do everything that i havnt been able to yet.... i felt like writing so here it goes

1) storm chasing- this is a definite thing that i WILL do before i die. i will experience a tornado. i have to. or my life will be incomplete. this is something that ive always wanted to do even though its insanely crazy.

2)apologize to each family member and friend and forgive them for any wrong doing- i know i have done alot of things that have hurt others such as deciding i should attempt to end my life, saying hurtful things, shutting others out of my life. specifically tell JT to seriously fuck off and forgive him- theres no bigger blow to someones ego to accept the pain that someone has caused you

3)travel- travel to europe, travel to asia, travel to where ever i can

4) do every drug that i possibly can a couple weeks before my death- might as well...

5) watch a sunrise and sunset with the love of my life....sad part is ..is if this happened right now..id be sitting alone

theres so much more that id want to do before i die but itd be impossible like having my own baby.. or getting married... two things that i believe will bring me to happiness.... its kinda crazy that i actually had a dream last night that i had a baby ...a baby boy. and it was amazing.. i wasnt married though... and my parents were furious.. so i moved into a homeless shelter since no one wanted me around... kinda made me sad

posted by Kristen at 6:40 PM - 0 comments

Thursday, November 08, 2007

down down down

i feel myself falling... and falling fast... no its not about a guy... its about my life and current state that im at.. i truely thought that i was happy and content being where i'm at but something isnt right...is it the dysfunctional relationship that i have with my dad? is it the fact that i know that my friends are accomplishing so much more than i am right now? or is it that there really is something wrong with me? i dont know...i just know that even though i'm home.. im still incredibly lonley...i feel that im not living up to my abilities.. that im falling short and letting everyone down. im having a huge sense of failur lurking in the back of my mind. i have a huge sense of insecurity. i thought about this and it know its completly irrational but i need to leave... like leave the state for something new and better. somewhere i can BE something.. cuz here i'm nothing

posted by Kristen at 10:48 AM - 1 comments

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

giving up

so ive been doing a couple dating sites and tonight i decided to just stop. 1) its becoming an addiction for me to constantly check my email.. its sickening.. thats all i look forwards too.. and i dont want to be like that anymore and 2) it just doesnt feel right.. something is telling me to back out of these things.. im not sure why but im going to follow my gut on this....

posted by Kristen at 12:34 AM - 0 comments

Saturday, November 03, 2007

oh well

so the "date" with steve fell through.. he had to cancel. oh well.. he wants to reschedule so thats cool.. ive been talkin to alot of other guys and its fun..better than playing card games... work is amazing... im quitting the bar on sunday.. putting my two weeks in.. im excited..other than that nothin else is new...

but heres a question that was raised .. how did Meatloaf get the name Meatloaf and WHY would you call yourself that?

posted by Kristen at 1:03 AM - 2 comments

About Me

Name: Kristen
Home: Schaumburg, Illinois, United States
About Me: I have an awkward personality.. i swear you will never me anyone like me
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