| my sister |
| i talked to my sister yesterday... she's in basic training right now... i dont realize how much i miss her until i talk to her... she's having a blast... throwing gernades, gas chambers, and shooting guns.. kinda a scary thought if you know my sister but she's loving it.. so much that she might enlist as active ... she's only in the reserves right now.. but i found something out yesterday that really scares me... her unit has a VERY high percentage of being shipped to Iraq... my mom told me and i didnt want to show that it scared me... i need to be strong for her...and my dad. this is my mom's .. well any mom's, worst nightmare. their baby could get shipped to war and never return. she's my sister.. and the only one i got.. i was watching A League of Their Own yesterday and it crazy how much the relationship between Kit and Dottie is so much like my sister and mine. I remember before we both even saw the movie people were comparing us to them. I, the oldest and the catcher, am much more focused on finding love and settling down for a family.. i even gave up softball, the love of my life, for someone who i thought had high potential for replacing that love. my sister on the other hand, a pitcher and younger, has this spirit about her ... she doesnt liek to be held down, she wants to go out and do something different... and the worst is that she always feels behind me. she's told me this.. she hate how our parents compare her to me.. but in all actuality.. they do the same thing to me.. my sister always felt that the spotlight was on me cept when it came to softball.. the spotlight would shift from me to her or vice versa... eventually it landed on her and stayed there after an amazing hit in the last game that i played...if you've seen the movie you know what im talking about... well anyways... i bawled my eyes out watching that last night... i miss her so much |
|
|
|
| Was It A Dream? |
ive been having some fucked up dreams these past couple nights... they consist of being pregnant, tornadoes, red trucks, my cousin and sister, broken glass, stormy clouds, and an art show...
i'll blog later about these... right now my mom is being a bitchLabels: dreams |
|
|
|
| cookie cutter |
this week a conversation came up about fitting a specific mold/ stereotype... it was discussed that i dont fit into any specific one... i'm too different... i have aspects from different "types" of people but i dont conform to one specific. but heres the question... why should i? i was taught when i was growing up that everyone was different... but now it seems that if you dont fit a specific style/genre then you dont fit in you are considered unique, different or werid. i have embraced my unique-ness i dont think i should have to alter who i am just to fit into some stupid pointless stereotype... plus how old are we?? we're in college... the days of stereotypes were left in high school where they belong. i have a variety of friends and as far as im concerned i dont care about stereotypes.. the people that i call my friends dont need to wear abercrombi just to be my friend, or listen to a certain type of music... my friends are my friends because somewhere in our twisted, crazy and at times intellectual conversations we have connected on issues or topics beyond music and what we wear for example...besides fitting stereotypes i shouldn't have to change who i am for someone to like me... yes i like certain music groups that people would rather never hear again... yes i like one of the worst teams in major league baseball... but why cant anyone seem to look past some of these things... baseball and music are my passions.. i love them ... i'm not going to change those.. they've made me who i am ...but why does it seem that everyone assumes that that's all there is to me??? there's so much more.. i'm having a very difficult time understanding what was said to me by a very trusted and close friend. i like to know what other people think about me so i can try and make myself a better person and not be avoided... yes and at times it does bother me by what others say...but thats something i have to deal with. many people dont realize that i can be a very introspective person... i do alot of thinking.. sometimes about nothing... if im quiet or not talking doesnt mean that im depressed or upset... if i lock myself in my room for awhile and not talk to anyone for a couple hours..it doesnt mean that im depressed... it just means that i need my time alone.. my time to sort issues out by myself and sometimes just to relax in bed and space out for awhile and just let my mind go... i know thinkin gets me into trouble and i anaylze things but that is who i am...
here's a couple things that people may not know about me:
- i fear rejection more than death
- i hate being alone...except in certain circumstances... next semester scares the shit outt a me.. im goin to be alone alot and i dont know how im goin to handle it
- i'm very shy at first then tend to open up
- i wear what is comfortable.. i hate dressing up.. and i know guys like that but hey.. id rather be liked for who i am than for what im wearing
- i have a very hard time approaching people that i dont know
- i try to please everyone before taking care of myself.. aka im very self-less
|
|
|
|
| Echelon |
| the ringing of silence is the only thing she hears. every thing is moving in slow motion. she wishes she could hit the fastforward button just for a little bit to get out of this rut, to be who she used to be. the clouds become a pink hue as the sun begins to set. the water quietly laps at the dock. everything around her is changing but the one thing that isn't is her. she has remained the same. |
|
|
|
| A Beautiful Lie |
| she drove away from that place hoping what just happend was all a hallucination. it had happend. not just once but hundreds of times. he had infiltrated the walls like the greeks with the trojan horse which she had built up aound her again. to protect herself from him. from the lies, from the abuse that has lingered for the past years. she told herself time and time again that it wouldnt happen. he has a way with words, a way in which he can manipulate his prey to get what he wants and his greatest accomplishment was her. he knew that she would continue to give in but just saying that he still cared. she went back time and time again like a coke head to a dealer. he had total control over her. as she drove herself home in the darkness of the old neighborhood which she knew so well her eyes brimmed with tears. she felt decrepited. she felt like a whore. her stomach twisted in knots just thinking of the events that had happend, there at that childhood hangout. she pulled over to the side of the abandoned road and fell to the ground. she couldn't take it anymore. the shame that had come over her. she let it all out on the dew moistened grass. she rolled over on her back and stared at the stars letting the tears just fall. she let out a heavy sigh. she gained her strength and pulled herself back into her car. she clenched the stearing wheel tightly turning her knuckles nearly white. this was the last time he was going to do this to her... and she was going to make sure of it |
|
|
|
| just think of this... |
| midgets having sex to the hamster dance song... let me know what you think... funny shit eh? |
|
|
|
|
Name: Kristen
Home: Schaumburg, Illinois, United States
About Me: I have an awkward personality.. i swear you will never me anyone like me
See my profile...
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Brushes by Gvalkyrie
|
|
posted by Kristen at 