i guess the first place to start is school. two weeks left... only two...im so far behind on readings and have blown off so many classes in the past two weeks that im almost clueless as to what is going on. maybe instead of blogging i should just be doing homework...but thats not me... i wont start doing that until i absouletly have to...i have a serious issue with priorities when it comes to school... i always find something better to do then do homework...i live in the moment..which isnt necessarily a bad thing unless it comes to school....
then there's my car.... my lovely saturn called the Fetus... i think its come to its last life... i was on my way back to school last weekend when all the coolant lights decided to show their loveliness to me... call my dad and i have to drive back... thank god i was only 5 miles from home...pull up, open the hood, steam or smoke start just gushin out... fuck...dad says.. im calling your sister to drive you back to school, the car is done. fanFUCKINGtabulous... so here i am at school with no way of transportation except for the buses... and im am incredibly spoiled when it comes to transportation... ive taken the bus once...and ive had my baby car up here since freshman year..and now when im DYING to get the fuck out of here or even start packing i have no car...cant even go get a loaf of bread... i have to go home next weekend and have to wait for my sister to drive 3 hours to come and get me... i guess im more upset about the fact that i may have to get rid of my car... so many memories... my
first car! ::tears::
speaking of my baby sister... it's just hit me that she's leaving for army basic training in about a week and a half... next weekend will be the last time i may see her for a long time ...like christmas or something... i've know for about a 3-4 months that she was leaving but now it's really starting to bother me....me and my sister havn't really gotten along very well...ever... she's like 15 months younger than me... always having to share stuff, her hanging out with my friends (which i HATE! cuz she's a shit talker)... sister things... she always has an attitude with me...and i try my best to be friends with her but its nearly impossible...but anywho.. me and her got into a huge fight a couple weeks ago about how she was treating our parents and i basically told her that i didnt care about her and as far as i was concerned she was only my sister by blood...it really hurt her... and now thinking that i wont be seeing her really bothers me... i do love my sister... i do.. i guess its just hard for me to show it to her without being a bitch and vice versa for her...i dont know what to do about that... i know im going to write a letter to her so she can read as she's on her way down to Missouri for camp... i wont be able to send her off at the airport because of finals...but i will be able to say goodbye at her party next weekend....
im still not over the fact that im going to be completely alone next year... im almost dreading coming back to school. ill be living in the dorms alone... Evans 125...gay.. ill be a senior in the dorms...cuz no one wants to live with me... im pathetic... and it just adds to my mood. i'm already incredibly lonely and i have two friends living across the hall from me...i cant bear to imagine how it's going to be next year or even this summer living at home basically by myself...i feel like im losing my friends.. tina's gone, angie will be gone, sarah..in another world, trinity...im calling you a nomad now...you're all over the place...sam is basically gone.. i think ive seen her at the most 3 times this year... then megan.. i honestly am starting to believe that megan hates me and wants nothing to do with me... thats my conclusion..it bothers me but then it doesnt...
so then there's the guy issue... everythin has backfired in my face.. if you know me.. you know what happend... let's just say that it is completely a lost cause now... ... i swear to god i hate a certain meathead with a passion..and i swear id love to just use his head as a bunching bag or his face as a dart board... something was said in strict confidence.. and well that confidence was broken.. this REALLY frustrates me, i fee like a complete idiot even more now... i dont even want to show my face around Fletcher any more... i want to run away so much... im afraid to face this guy cuz i dont want him to get all weirded out...which im sure he is by now... just my fucking luck... and how my luck is with all guys... **** this section was edited at on a later date***
i think i know why i have such bad luck with guys... so we were watching a video that we made last year of just random shit of us... and wow... i kno they say that camera adds 10 pounds but shit... i just wanted to burst out crying... i look absoutely horrible....HORRIBLE... just fat...huge... im short and stocky ... and just bad.. pale.. it makes me want to cry now just thinking about it.. my hips are incredibly huge...my arms are flabby and my stomach dont even get me started.... and ive gained wait since last year... i just want to crawl under a rock and die...
i just want to ask one question.... does anyone know of the closest cliff around here??? in walking distance....
ut for about the past week or so... i just seems that nothing is going right... one things after the other...i mean i guess it doesnt seem like it's bad but it just a bunch of lil things building and building up and im on the verge of blowing up. im seriously becoming so irritated at the littlest thing, feelin like cryin every waking moment, not sleeping at night, slackin in school, being a bitch, tense, just everything... my stomach is in knots, my back is spasming, headaches leading slowly to migranes... i just cant handle it anymore...
posted by Kristen at 
